I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
