get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
