this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
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Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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