at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
