I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
