i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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