He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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