I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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