i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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