is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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