i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
