I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
