i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
