i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
