dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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