Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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