Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
