the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
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i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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