it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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