I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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