this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
