I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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