now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
