you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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