Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
