I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
