Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
