Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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