currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
