you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
