I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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