Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
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dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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