So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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