Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
