I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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