there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
