Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
