Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
