Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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