They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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