Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
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Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
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I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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