ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I need a beard to bite.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
