I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
