I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
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What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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