I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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