now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
