Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
