omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
