New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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