some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
