i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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