So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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