I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
