If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
