You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize