look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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