You're completely useless in the revolution.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
