we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize