david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
