I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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