god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
