dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
