You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
