meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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