and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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